I was speaking with a dear friend yesterday, and we were talking about the way we each view our own “worth” and attach it something. It’s kind of crazy when you think about it.
I have 2 children- LuLu and the Little Man. They are precious- they have imaginations that run wild. We play, we hop around the house like frogs, we imagine a cafe in our backyard where we hold socials for all of our imaginary friends. I could never look at my children and attach their worth to anything.
Why is it so difficult to look in the mirror and do the same thing for ourselves?
We are all worthy.
No strings attached.
You are worthy.
I know this a hard concept to grasp, because we constantly attach strings to our worth. It is very common in society to attach a person’s “worth” to something – an experience, a situation, an outcome. Of course, when we say the words, it sounds ludicrous. But, I distinctly remember (unknowingly) doing this, and I often hear from clients (also many completely unaware) that are attaching their worth to people or things:
* the number on the scale
* the amount of money in the bank account
* the number of clients on the roster
* the way a person looks at them- whether a smile or scowl
…all of these “things” can affect our worth, which in turn affects everything else. Whether a mom is so wrapped up in her children that every last ounce of her worth is tied only to them, or a woman who is so career driven that she never sees family and holidays pass her by, or the juggling working mom who ties her worth to perfection so much that when a ball drops she runs for medicinal help or chocolate…self-worth can be a tangled mess when you attach strings to it.
Here are some questions to consider:
What happens when my children grow up?
Who am I if I lose my job?
What if my business fails?
What if I am not the size I was in college?
Am I not worthy?
Of course you are! Our essence, who we are each born to be, is not attached to any “thing”. No matter what situation life or experience throws at us, no matter what test we are given, we still are worthy. Even when we don’t feel like it, even when we want to crawl in a cave and hibernate, we are each whole, complete, capable, resourceful, talented people. But often, that picture gets muddled in the wake left behind by life’s experiences.
Let Experience Fuel and Teach
Experiences can be beyond our control. It’s hard to separate ourselves from the experience and not somewhat attach our worth to it. But we must. Experience can be used to fuel a fire for the greater good, to teach yourself something, or to teach others. Of course, we each can have moments of feeling down in the dumps. Let the moments last as long as they may, but don’t allow the experience to define you or your worth.
Remember, most of the amazing movements in the world were born out of strife, terrible experiences, that came full circle and were a catalyst for change- often unplanned, but there is a contagious energy from passion and authenticity born out of a lesson learned from a life experience.
Be Who You Were Born to Be, Do Not Focus on An “Outcome”
When we focus on “outcomes”, it affects our worth-
* getting a promotion or not
* opening a business or not
* garnering approval from family or not
* getting recognition or not
* a boyfriend loving us flawed and all or not
* and the list goes on …
All of the outcomes of these scenarios can easily affect how one feels. Thinking about the “outcomes” first, also affects the path we take. For example, in my 20′s I would sometimes think, “If I wear this outfit, then tonight I will probably meet someone.” Little did I know my future husband would fall in love with me while I was wearing baggy old sweats and my hair in a knot on top of my head.
I hear from people all of the time who choose a path solely because he/she thinks it will garner the desired outcome. To which I now respond, “what is that outcome for you really about?” Because I’ve learned, it is never about the outcome. We must delve deeper than that, and do that which makes our soul stir, that which helps others, that which uses our unique gifts to serve the world…and then the “outcomes” do not matter.
Realizing Our Gifts Without Strings Attached
Each of us has unique gifts, that, even when no one is around, even when we are bare with nothing in our bank account, we have gifts that need no outcome, no accompaniment.
The ironic thing is, many people chase the desired outcome, and along the way, stop using their gifts. And then the outcome never comes. When we simply use our gifts, people flow into our lives, doors open, experiences happen that are even bigger than we could have imagined.
Learning by Letting Go of Every “Thing”
I learned I was worthy without strings attached by letting go of almost every “thing”. After some financial issues years ago, we sold our home, turned in our vehicle, auctioned off our wedding china, many of the “things” that typically define a person- we shed.
I remember crying, sobbing one day while my baby Lu napped. I prayed to God for an answer, and He told me to write. Writing is something I’ve done practically since birth. And, for some reason, I didn’t even feel worthy of picking up my pen at that time.
Grabbing whatever scrap piece of paper I could find, I started jotting down my thoughts. In that moment, I realized God was telling me it would be alright, to carry on, to continue the work I was doing. We must use our gifts to serve the world. And, a whole new chapter emerged, a peace came over me, that no thing or outcome could ever deliver. It was like the intense love I feel when I hold my children, kiss my husband, see a baby giggle, have a heart to heart with my mom, spend time with my dad, or witness a person truly smiling- that peace stayed with me and I let His love guide me back…I remembered that faith was my anchor- that I am worthy (no strings attached) because I am a child of God.
Every single person, regardless of circumstance, past history, race, color, religion, every single one of us is worthy. Find your anchor in faith, and today, free yourself from the strings that you are attaching to your worth. Choose to look everyone you pass in the eye, listen, share, connect. Be joyful. Laugh. Play. Release fear, ignite your spirit, use your gifts, your talents to help others regardless of any “outcome”, and your light will shine bright.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson